Old Diary Day 1 to 3 - Screw You Paradise!

Screw You, Paradise!

Hi Diary! I should have started this when I got to the resort but I was too busy working and drinking margaritas. They went down like heaven in the heat. Not just heat but humidity. The minute I stepped off the plane I was soaked to the bone. It was great at first now I just want to soak in a bath tub filled with ice.

So let me recap.

Day 1. Arrived in paradise.

Day 2. Crashed all over paradise.

Christ. Every muscle in my body hurts. I woke up like that. Wet and in pain. The sun was a blast of hell that ripped the skin right off my body. I can’t believe what has happened over the last few days. I mean this was supposed to be a simple job in a vacation wonderland. All I had to do was look over a resort and make sure they weren’t skimming money.

Instead my plane crashed and the ocean puked me up on a deserted island.

My old Casio watch died in the water, so I pried the bottom off and inspected it. No water in there but it was still dead as a doornail. I tied it to a branch and walked away. No sense in keeping the thing, so I used it as an ornament. Besides what do I need a clock for? The sun is up so it must be daytime. I’m a real genius.

The trees grew tall and had big old palm looking leaves on them like you see in pictures of the islands I have seen countless times. The islands ... where the hell did I think I was? Freaking Disney Land?

About twenty feet away sat a beautiful white beach. I found my cushion from the crash and carried it to an area that looked like a good place to sleep. The trees closed in like a little room and then opened into a space about ten feet square. There was a lot of dead vegetation but I pulled some of it aside and found sand underneath.

Maybe I can collect some palm leaves and make a bed.

I wandered along the beach and marveled at the beautiful location. The crystal clear water, the warm sand, the early morning humidity, and the fact that I was still alive. I had to sit down and take a few breaths. I said a brief prayer to god, if he was listening to me way out in the middle of nowhere. I lay back on the warm sand, closed my eyes for a minute and inhaled the humidity.

It was exhausting. I felt like I was in a sauna. I sure hope I can find help, assuming there are others around. This can’t be a deserted island. Is there really such a thing? It’s the year 2010 and we must have every square inch of the world mapped by now. Right? Fucking google maps has pictures of islanders crapping on places like this so it can’t be deserted. I just have to find the inhabitants.

I got up and walked to the water and stared at it and stared at it some more. I studied the horizon for a while, watched the waves roll in from far away. They crashed onto the beach then the water rolled back out. Repeat. It was so natural that I almost expected to see a surfer out on the water.

Where did I come up on the shore last night? The way the water was hitting the surf I couldn’t tell because it had washed away all signs of my tracks.

Hunger gnawed at my stomach again and I realized for the first time that I had nothing to eat. I knew from watching documentaries that I had to find water before anything else. If I didn’t have water I would die. A body can supposedly go a long time without food but not the wet stuff. I sure hope I don’t have to find out just how long.

 I studied the palm trees but didn’t see any fruit like coconut or pineapple. Walked along the edge of the woods until I saw a small stream of water and tasted it with a cautious tongue. It was warm but crystal clear, so I took a few more sips. It was a tiny trickle and I kept getting silty stuff in my mouth, so I followed it to a pool.

A sheet of water flowed down from the side of a mountain, which I could see in the distance. Then it formed a small waterfall before hitting a curved cliff about ten feet high. The water came down in several streams and filled the pool that extended in four or five directions.

I drank my fill and decided it was time to find some food. A little on the job training was in order if I was going got become a survivalist. The problem was I had no idea how to find my own food but how hard can it be? People have been doing it for thousands of years. I bet if I make a spear I can toss it at the brush and hit something warm and delicious.

I set out for the beach and scanned the area for some small animals or fruit to eat. I looked for crabs but didn’t come across any. I then searched for wild animals in the bushes. Nothing. Probably wild boar in the woods. Not sure how to stop them. The spear idea sounds good.

I wandered along the shore and found a stick that was relatively straight. I was lucky enough to still have the pocketknife with me, a Swiss army one to be exact. It had a blade, scissors and a file. I started cutting at the tip but the wood was soft from being in the water. I strolled along the shoreline and looked for another stick when I saw a shape on the ground.

I rushed to the body with a gasp. Another survivor. I hoped it was a survivor and not a corpse. When I reached the form, I saw that it was a woman. She was lying curled up in a ball next to some kind of flower. It had little blue berries hanging near a bright colored center. It also had serrated looking edges to the long leaves that curled upward. It was pretty in a vicious way, like a tulip made for killing small animals.

I turned her over and her mouth was full of the little berries AND foam AND blood AND I think sea water. It was so gross! She gagged around them, so I flipped her over and hit her back a few times. Figured they were just stuck in her throat. She did gag them out and turned her head and tried to bite me! What the hell? Why was this chick trying to bite me when all I wanted to do was help?

I jerked back and she sort of flopped onto her knees then fell to the ground.

“You okay?” I asked her over and over but she didn’t answer. In fact, she didn’t move.

I grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up, then did the Heimlich maneuver. I tried to be polite and not feel her boobs through the silky shirt she was wearing but they were kind of in the way. A big wad of stuff flew out of her mouth.

She was ice cold. I backed away and she turned toward me, slowly. Her lips pulled back from her teeth and she snarled. I took her wrist, felt for a pulse but didn’t find one. She staggered toward me. I moved back and around her. Then I touched her neck and managed to leave my finger there for a couple of seconds before she tried to bite me. What the hell was wrong with this chick?

“Hold on, jeez, I’m not going to feel you up!”

 She didn’t seem to hear me. She kept snapping her teeth like she hadn’t had a bite to eat in days. I was starving, too, but I didn't try to take a bite out of her!

I held her back, my hand on her chest and tried not touch her breasts but hey, things happen, right diary? In all honesty I wasn’t looking to cop a feel, I just wanted to stop her from trying to bite me. That’s when I noticed something quite scary.

She had no heart beat. What the hell?!

We did a weird dance as she tried to bite me and I tried to see if she was alive. I backed off and rubbed my hands on my shirt. She came toward me one slow step at a time but I kept backing up. I almost fell down as my heels hit a rock in the sand.

I realized that this was the girl from the plane. The one with the big guy, the hot chick in the tiny skirt that flashed her legs and cleavage. I looked at her matted blonde hair and blue eyes– strike that, eye since the other was white and oversized like a sponge trapped in water.

Her skin should be pink, or maybe white from being in the water and perhaps catching a chill. But it wasn’t. It was gray. Like putrid gray, like something that isn’t fucking alive gray. Oh Jesus, diary, I was about ready to freak the hell out. I wanted to run away from her and find some help or a gun or something.

She staggered toward me like she was drunk and for half a second I thought maybe that was the whole problem. She got boozed up on the plane and now she was recovering from spending all night in the ocean like me. Sure, that explained the lack of a pulse, dead puffy eyes and gray skin.

I couldn’t really process what was happening, so I headed back to camp. My head was in a fog like I had overslept. I wasn't sure what to do so I went to find the closest thing I have to a home.

She staggered past my hiding spot and kept on going.

I started building the barricade later that night. 


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