My Girlfriend Likes To Be Tied Up
Woke to the sound of an airplane overhead.
I flew off my palm tree mattress, stood up and took two stumbling steps before I tripped over her. She must have spent all night wiggling around the little barricade. If I had slept another half hour she would have had me. One bite and then we would be the perfect zombie couple. They'd find us and name us dumb and dumber.
I reared back to kick her but she turned her head and looked at me with that one good eye just as blue as a summer day and I felt– well I felt a sense of pity for her undead ass.
Need to make a rope today and tie her to something.
So the plane **Dee Plane, Dee Plane** flew overheard and I was jumping up and down like a maniac, screaming at the sky like I was the retard instead of her. I ran for the fire wood but she had scattered it all over the place in the night.
Alright! Now she is just fucking with me!
The plane flew off into the distance and it was suddenly quiet again except for my stomach which decided to growl like a chainsaw. Guess I’d start with some high fiber fruit and then try and dig up some oysters later. There was a weird blob of fish that looked like a big limp penis in the shallow water. I don’t know if I can cook it but what the hell, beats starving to death.
I built up the wood stack again and stomped around - generally miserable. She hissed at me every time I went past her but that’s okay. She can’t figure out how to stand up and give chase. I scowled at her and she looked at me with that blank stare. Her gums look a little black today and her teeth are defiantly turning green. I should bring some clean water and try to scrub her down.
That reminds me, she smells like death. Well, what death would smell like if I had ever been near it I suppose. She kind of smells like meat left out too long. I wonder how long until I run out of food and she starts looking like a steak.
“Want anything while I’m at the stream?” I asked her. She moaned and hissed again.
“Fine, no fruit for you.” I smacked her ass as I strolled away. Showed her ...
There seemed to be more water today, I should really follow the stream and see where it leads. Maybe I am on the back end of some tropical get away, lost, starving and some rich assholes are on the other side of the island, living it up. Maybe they have Mai-Tais, grilled steaks, French fries! Oh my god, I need some real food. On my way back I looked all around for something to use as a rope. There were no vines hanging from the trees, just leaves. I tore some down and studied how flexible they were. Wound one up and pulled on it. Then I took down another one and wound them together. Who would have imagined these long, green leaves could be so useful?
Never took basket weaving, never was a boy scout and I never joined the Navy, although I learned how to crochet as a kid. That lonely summer when Grandmother taught me. You don’t let your grandmother down, diary, you just don’t.
I collected a pile of leaves and carried them back. Found a pretty red flower growing in the shade of a palm tree and added it to my pile. If nothing else I should be able to decorate my living space.
I got back and she had crawled onto my little sleeping area and made a mess of it. That would take a while to fix. Okay, enough of this. I sat on the other side of the barricade which wasn’t really much of a fence. I worked the branches back and forth to keep the fence in place but if she ever goes at it with force she will break through it in a few minutes. I’m glad she isn’t that motivated.
I plopped down on the other side of the fence and she started crawling toward me again. It’s like she doesn’t get how her arms can help her move, she just slithers like a big gray snake. I had plenty of time before she got near me. Her good eye looks a little dry today wish she would blink it from time to time.
I should bring some water back for her so I can wet it. That reminds me that if I can cover her mouth she might be more cooperative, well at least she won’t be able to bite me.
I worked on my rope for a few hours and ate the fruit I left out to dry last night. A few small bugs on one meant some extra protein. I don’t even notice it anymore and I used to be grossed out by insects.
The rope was strong when I got done with it. I yanked on the thing and then stood up and put my foot on one end against the ground and pulled. Looks like this will hold up nicely, at least until they dry out and fall apart.
I moved around her as she tried to snap at me. I dropped onto her back and tried to ignore the smell. Jesus! I hadn’t needed my shirt thanks to the heat, so I tore the bottom off. It took a few tries to get the cloth around her neck and into her mouth without getting bitten.
Gagged and for now somewhat harmless, I lifted her to her feet and watched her try to keep her balance. She snarled and snapped at me over the cloth. I looped the rope around her throat and set off with her close behind only she didn’t take well to her leash and fell flat on her face when I pulled too hard.
Oh crap.
I had to wrestle her stinky ass back on her feet again and decided to tie the rope around her waist.
With a tug she nearly fell again. Then I got an idea.
I let the slack out and moved away to the end of the and yelled at her. She raised her arms toward me and moaned under her muffled gag then stumbled after me. Can’t believe I have to play follow the leader.
I lead her to the stream, at least the end away from where I like to bathe and gather water. Then came the delicate art of removing her clothes while she batted and snarled at me. She was wearing a really frilly white bra that spilled out a large pair of breasts when I tugged it down. Well good for her!
Too bad they are as cold as ice and mottled gray.
Too bad indeed.
The rest of her clothes came off. I tossed her panties because they were just nasty. I don’t even want to think about what they looked like let alone write about it. Oh god, cleaning down there should be fun only I wanted to throw up.
She kept turning as I bathed her, doing the bob and snap dance. I washed her down with her silky shirt before putting it back on. It’s see-through and helps off set the color of her skin. Her skirt went back on and hung limply around her waist, making a wet slapping noise as I led her back to camp.
I think I am getting used to being hungry, the constant gnawing ache. Sometimes my skin feels cold and clammy even though it is hot and muggy. I saw a bird rifling through my stuff when I got back but I was too slow to get him. I picked up a rock and threw it like I was aiming for home plate. It flew under him as he soared into the sky with a squawk.
I bet he would have tasted like chicken.
Tomorrow I will try to build a snare. Maybe I can have a little KFC. I wonder how I will build a snare. Jesus. I don’t even know what a snare looks like.
I tied her to a tree and went oyster diving again. Found one of those long things that looks like a penis hanging out of a shell. It smelled terrible but I’m gonna cook it in some coconut milk in the shell. Maybe I can choke it down that way.
When I got out of the water I saw that she had managed to wrap herself around the tree so she was facing it, rope tightly around her body. It took a while to get her untied and one of the starfish I pulled out tried to get away while I worked at her rope.
It’s late and I can barely keep my eyes open. The fire is stoked up nice and high. She doesn’t sleep but I thought it would be nice to give her a little freedom so I left the knot on the tree loose. Now she is walking in circles. Her clothes look clean and her hair is actually nice tonight, not too badly matted. Put the red flower behind her ear but now it is just hanging there limp and dead.
...
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