New Diary 1 - My Girlfriends Hate Each Other

Hello diary and fuck you.

Right now I'm thinking of a lot of sayings I have heard over the years. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, I guess that means they have really nice everything except teeth. Don't count your eggs before they hatch. I guess that means you can't bring as many to market. Don't cry over spilled milk. That one just pisses me off since I spilled all of my coconut milk this morning when Eillen decided to get touchy feely.

A lot has happened over the last few days and I have been too busy to write much. I had to turn my diary upside down and write between the lines. I know how funny that sounds but it will sound even funnier when I say 'Read Between the Lines sucker' every time people are going ‘gah gah’ over my exploits on a deserted island with a pair of zombies.

Eileen is a real handful. I forgot how hard it is to keep a fresh zombie. Now that the other one - I really need to give her a name ... um, nothing comes to mind. I would call her Wilson but she is a girl and it just doesn't work. I guess she is a girl, a dead girl with creaking joints and tendons.

So the fresh one.


The first thing I did was create a new gag for her. I fashioned it out of the old dress that my girl was wearing when I hauled her behind the raft. It served it's purpose. Now she runs around naked as the day she was born which is not hot, oh dear diary not hot at all.

As much as I tried to protect her from the little sea critters something got in and made a mess of her. All those open sores were so gross, I had to dig some little jellyfish looking things out of them. I used a stick and sometimes when I hit a tendon her fingers would twitch or her foot would move. One sore on her shoulder made her whole leg pop off the ground. Weird.

Eileen stared at me the whole time with her mouth open like she was gonna start drooling but no sound came out. A bug may have. I am pretty sure something moved back there. She has nice teeth, not like my girl who has a bunch of broken ones surrounded by green rot.

Eileen is still fresh. Very fresh, like she looks a-day-dead fresh. The sun was hard on her now that she has passed on. It left her skin very dark but with the recent zombificaiton she looks a little like leather. I touched her arms a few times to compare her to my girl. Her skin is still soft, but does have an odd texture.

So yeah I took her clothes off and let her parade around naked as well. I mean I may be exhausted from the trip, the fight, the running around, the days lost on the ocean. I may be all that but I am not THAT tired. My girl kept looking over at her with that eye. She kept snarling like - well I think she may be jealous. She snarled at Eileen and Eileen snarled back. Hey look, it's the snarling darlings. I hope they can make friends with each other. You would think having two naked chicks on a deserted island would be fun but it is a lot of work!

The camp was pretty well setup. With two people I guess they had a lot more time to do stuff. You should see the contraption they built. It is raised up off the ground, poles strapped to trees so they wouldn't get wet when the rains came. It was only about six inches up but that would be enough. The large branches had been pulled down and tied together so they created a weird sort of bowed roof over the platform. The sleeping area itself is covered in an almost plush layer of palm leaves that are fresh. They probably changed them out every day or two. I found some palm trees that were woven together like they were making walls. I started to unweave one and got the hang of how they did it. At least I will stay busy the next few days while I work on this.

I found a bunch of meat hanging from branches near a fire which was barely a bunch of smoldering logs. There was a neat stack of white wood in a pile so I added a few chunks of wood to the fire and blew on it. I was afraid that I would lose the spark and then I would be screwed. I mean more screwed than I am already. Like uber-screwed. Just me, a bed, no flame to cook on and a pair of zombies to keep an eye on. Won't that make night time fun, laying in the dark, wondering if either of them are trying to sneak up and have me for a midnight snack.

Reminds me. I better double check the gags before I go to bed. And the bindings. And the rope to the trees. I never suspected I would be in to tying girls up but it isn't so bad I guess. Ally was usually the aggressor and the few times she tied me up it was fun. Well except for the one time back in December when she had too much to drink, wandered out to get another beer and fell asleep on the couch. At least the feeling came back in my hands a few hours later.


I hunted around and found a bunch of coconuts. How typical. I wonder why they didn't eat many of them because there sure does seem to be a lot. Maybe they were allergic to them. Or maybe they could actually hunt and found stuff to eat on a regular basis. Not like my skinny ass that fumbled around in the water for a few days before I tasted a starfish.

So I had this coconut all cracked open and ready to drink. It was a bitch to open because I had to make a new tool to crack it in half. I was holding the end up to see if it would fit Eileen, I wanted to make her a coconut top while she was still fresh but she stumbled into me with her hands out like she is a retarded kid. Just like my girl a month ago.


I had to find a smaller coconut after that because the first one was too big. At least her breasts are real, unlike my girl who had me fooled from day one!

She is older than my girl I would put her in her early to mid thirties. Hard to tell with that leathery tan skin. Lots of freckles but hell if I lived in tropical paradise I would probably tan all the time as well. The only disturbing thing I found on her body was the Aerosmith tattoo above her ass. I just can't imagine what would possess someone to do that. I mean a tramp stamp is fine and all, but Aerosmith?

Well diary it has been an exciting couple of days with the exception of having to bash in the pilots brains which was not exciting at all. It made it very hard for me to sleep. I tossed and turned every time I thought about his head being crushed under the rock. I hate that I had to do it but I hate it even more than I SHOULD do it to the two girls. Well maybe Eileen, I don't think I can kill my little other little zombie girl she and I have been through too much.

...

Can't get enough Zombie Wilson? Why don't you head over to Amazon and purchase a copy! All proceeds go to the author's tequila and beer sanity fund. Thanks!